I don't know what to feel. Why would you say such things to me? I'm trying not to read too much into it.

"I won't leave you."
"Even if we fight, just know that I'll come back. You must too, okay?"

I'm glad we've cleared our misunderstandings. I'm sad it took us so long, it took us 3 years to figure ourselves out. But we needed to be apart, we needed to be apart to grow and to become better people. I had to figure myself out, I had to find my own voice, I had to be stronger. You had your problems to work out. I'm just sad I couldn't be there for you, but you wouldn't have been able to be around for me anyway. My sorrow is so deep, it might've eaten you up.

I'd be lying if I said I tried to forget you, I tried to leave you.

I couldn't. I wasn't able to. You are my muse, you are my first love.

I have so many things I want to tell you. I have so much I want you to be a part of. I have loved and still love you as much it scares me. I never knew I was capable of such abilities, I never knew anyone could mean so much to me. I never knew anyone could take my walls down so gently. I never knew anyone could still be around me even after seeing that ugliness peeking through my facade.

Why would you say such things to me?

I know we're both different now - we've grown, we've matured, we take things better in our stride now. It's clear to me you understand yourself better now, you don't shy away from small things you used to.

I'd like to think I mean something to you. It doesn't have to be much, I'd like to think I'm someone you want to keep around for a long time. I'd like to think I'm a special friend to you. I'd like to think you remember the nights we spent together.

I don't need anyone to save me. You didn't see me as a cripple, you didn't try to be a savior. You were just there for me.

Why would you say such things to me?

I'm trying to hold it all in like I've did the past 3 years. But you mean too much to me. Yes I know I might overwhelm you but I've already warned you. You sound ready, you sound like you're prepared. I will not rush into it, I don't want to scare you away. But it surprised me to hear such a solid statement from you. I don't know what to feel now. You know, I might cry if you mean it like I have it in my head.

I want to keep writing about you. I want to keep thinking about you. I want to be able to always be around you. I like you so much, my love for you is unconditional. I want you to be really happy. At the same time, I can't live without you.

I wonder how you're doing now. I can't wait for the two weeks to go by. I want to see you. I need to know how you feel. I don't want to ever stop loving you. I just want to lie beside you, I just want to hold your hand.

This surprising turn of events has left my insides so shocked, I'm paralysed. I cannot take it all in... To know I haven't just been feeling it myself. I wonder if you ever thought about me. I wonder if you ever missed me, like I missed you.

I wonder if you'll be the one who will take my hand now. You should know by now that I am already yours. I have already been yours 3 years ago. You will always have a part of my heart. I love you so much, my entire being cannot contain it. How is this even possible?

Why would you say such things to me? I would say the same to you too, I just never saw it coming. Never.