You ask me why I keep talking to my classmates about my work and that my classmates' suggestions shouldn't weigh in as much as lecturer's opinion. Yes I get that you want me to score really well for my FYP but I've decided not to take the grading route and went on the "My last project should be a great bang" route. Also, I'm nowhere near the grading route SO that's just out of the window. Well 1) I'm talking to my classmates because they're on the same wavelength as me; 2) I'm talking to them because I've identified my target audience to be within our age group; 3) my lecturers are not being very supportive and helpful for some unknown reason this semester (they're just rejecting everything each week, even stuff they've suggested TOO); 4) I see them like 95% of the time, if I don't talk to them, who do I talk to?; and 5) as much as it's a competitive industry, I know my group of friends well enough to share enough of my project to get opinions from them. Then if I'm to talk to my lecturers about my work, why am I talking with you, since you're not my lecturer? You're my boyfriend. Cool, I'm your girlfriend too, but you don't listen to me either. Especially on matters you're sailing solo through. You just shut me out totally when you don't want to hear what you're not interested in. You do that with the world too - but I'm your girlfriend, shouldn't my POV matter too? You dislike an idea and that's it, the whole world has to agree that the idea is bad and you totally don't listen to anything I say. You hear but you don't listen.

You don't want me to join my school's grad show team. Yeah I wouldn't have but look, I'm not even in the main team, I'm in some sub-committee team and it's not eating up much of my time. BESIDES if you saw the shit going on inside the school, you probably would want to have your hand in it. Sure you say you want your work to shine, but how the hell is anyone going to see your work if no one wants to come to the school in the first place? You say it's a given people will come, YES people will come but people WON'T STAY if there's nothing engaging to keep them going through the entire exhibition. You just tuned me out the moment I tried to explain. You don't understand, you just care about ME ME ME, and yes I am that selfish coming to displaying my works too. But ALL my friends are struggling with the asshole cohort of my school and I don't want my fucking grad show to be a flop. MY fucking grad show. MY. MY. MY. Not even yours. So what if I have an outstanding work but the public doesn't get to it because the whole thing is a flop?

You say you won't ever get angry at your loved ones. That's kinda impossible, humans do shit all the time. And you beautifully displayed your anger and upgraded me from a psycho to an asshole, that I will never forget. Brilliant display of your tail feathers - even when I get angry, I never say mean things (maybe I implicate them) but I do not say the words out. I don't solidify the insults I think in my head. I thought my anger was bad, I guess I'm not the worst.

You tell me to trust you. The only thing I don't trust you with is time management. I really want you to finish your uni application successfully and properly but so far, all the applications I've watched you try to get through never ended well. The most recent one, you barely escaped by the skin of your teeth. And you can still be so smug about it. The reason why you're always so badly timed? Because all you do is play your games and procrastinate. I cannot help you anymore if you can't help yourself. It's been 3 times, the next time I'm not going to help you. I've helped you enough to even know how to apply to YOUR schools MYSELF, and probably get in. Now I'm not even HELPING you, I am SPOONFEEDING YOU. I help you, who's going to help me? And if I do get into my overseas uni, who's going to help you with yours in the future? Then again, I don't know if it's going to happen because you would choose playing your games over skyping with me.

All you think of me these days is that I'm against you. Hey I'm doing my FYP you know, I don't have that kind of time to waste. And why the hell would I want to be against you for no legitimate reason? And now that I'm busy you ask me to help you with all sorts of things. Why don't you do that when I'm free? Why would you ask me for a favour when I'm busy then you get angry that I can't help you and then make it seem like I'm not being a good girlfriend ? Why would you hurt yourself like that?

You might think I'm trying to be a know-it-all smart-alec, sometimes I do unconsciously, but my display of tail feathers are not to bring you down. If I do unconsciously then tell me. Because I would never do that. Sure there are moments when I turn into a really horrible child, throwing irrelevant tantrums and stupid shallow sad self-wallowing shit, but hey. With great highs, comes great lows. I can be fucking brilliant and impressive when I need to be. That is as high as the lows I get to.

If you can't accept my lows, if you think I'm a horrible ugly piece of shit when I'm at my lowest, if all you do is berate and chide me when I'm at my lowest, you sure as hell do not deserve me at my highest, anymore. I never been so stepped all over since primary school, you know. I've seen your low and I even google for help so I don't say the wrong things to make things worse. It might not have been your lowest low, but even then, I did not think any less of you.