It's okay for you to keep pointing out that I don't watch the shows you ask me to, even in the name of fun. But look, I'm doing my FYP now. Yet you keep asking me to watch the shows you want me to so you can talk to me about it. Look I don't care so much about spoilers as much as you. I don't care if I know Walter White is going to die at the end of the series. I don't care if Aang manages to defeat the Fire Lord and restore balance to the world. Just say it.

It's not okay for me to keep pointing out that you're not reading the books I ask you to. You don't read anything else except for Matthew Stover and Malcolm Gladwell. Then I can't tell you anything about what's in the books. I can't tell you what happens also in case you decide to read them and you don't like spoilers.

You're a visual person, I'm an auditory person. You're a film person, I'm a book person. I'm already watching the shows you ask me to. I haven't finished any, I'm halfway through many. And when you ask which season I'm at, you ask why I take so long. Gee, when one episode is 50 minutes long, it's a big commitment.

It's okay for you to take 2 hours to reply my text because you're playing a game. I'm fine with it but you do it all the time, and I can't do anything about it.

It's not okay for me to take 1 hour to reply you because I'm traveling or watching a show or because I forget to press send. If I don't reply means I'm missing or something.

So you get to wake up to long texts from me but I wake up to nothing from you.

Sometimes I feel like a trophy. Sometimes I feel like I should just go kill myself. I really don't know why I still bother to try anymore, to love myself. I like what I've made myself to be, but I don't really like who I am inside.

Look, I can't even convince anyone to love me. Why? Because I'm a monster. People do not love monsters. People do not love psychos. People do not love anything that's not stable. People cannot accept anything that's not perfect. And I'm the last thing to perfect. And I can't really care anymore. I don't even think my parents love me - they love me in name, but they can't bring themselves to love me as a person. I'm a monster, I've destroyed this sacred vessel, I'm hideous, and I should just leave.